By Rose Pearson, on 25 November 2014
We continue our series on some of the more unusual items featured in the Cruciform archive collections of University College Hospital (U.C.H.) Magazine with some of the funniest quotes from the publication.
Overheard conversations in the hospital between medical staff, student and patients, were collected under ironic headings such as: “Sayings of the Great”; “Sayings of the not so Great” and “Sayings of the Wise…and Otherwise.”
Sometimes patients could respond to doctors’ questions in unexpected ways as the following quotes illustrate:
Doctor (to small boy): Now Sonny. I want you to pass water into that glass on the window-sill.
Small Boy: Blimey! from ‘ere?
Doctor: Which ear are you most deaf in?
Patient: The middle ear, Doctor.
Extracts from letters that patients wrote to the Hospital were also included:
“I am amazed to find you have branded my child as illiterate. It’s a wicked lie as I married his father a week before he was born.”
“I have child twelve months old, entirely fed on cows’ milk and another child.”
“In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.”
Quotes from medical students and members of staff often raised some worrying questions:
Doctor: “How many more swabs are there to come out?”
Sister: “We’ve already got one more than I knew about.”
Miss X: “What is the chief danger of placenta praevia?”
Student: “I suppose the foetus might put its foot in it.”
Matron: “And what sex is it?”
Sister: “Male, I think?”
Matron: “But how do you know?”
Sister: “Well… I’ve never felt anything like this before.”
Mr X: “My dentist told me I hadn’t got halitosis.”
Shocked Voice: “Not even his dentist would tell him.”
More quotes can be found in U.C.H. Magazine. Copies from 1910-1971 are available for reference in the Cruciform Library under the classmark CRUCIFORM WX 28 UCH.